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TESTIMONY ON DEPRESSION
I AM SO THANKFUL
After battling for years with a long and challenging illness, my loving mother, fell asleep in the Lord in April 2006. Following her death I became depressed and required medication, which I discontinued after 18 months; as I decided I had completed the grieving process.
Then the death, of a dear friend’s mother, exposed all the raw emotions I had buried. Then came the gradual decline, of my mental health. I stopped praying, eating, and even talking to family and friends, about my emotions. I contemplated living on the streets as a homeless person, but the cold weather put a stop to that. I was then prescribed two extremely strong anti-depressants, despite this I still planned to take my own life, writing good bye letters to my family and close friends. I stock piled tablets for my early exit. Eventually, I was admitted to the psychiatric unit as a willing patient, to avoid being sectioned. At that time suicide was my only option, as everywhere around me was very black. I sincerely believed, if I inhabited this world alone, Jesus would not have come to die just for me.
While in hospital the challenges continued, a heavy duty anti-depressant was added to the cocktail I was already prescribed.. I was visited by a member who informed me she didn’t understand why I was depressed, as I had a wonderful husband and two beautiful children, which increased the over whelming guilt I already had on board.
I was discharged after nearly three weeks, but still felt very emotionally fragile and still felt unable to pray. Unknown to me the Lord then escorted me on a journey. A church sister encouraged me to attend, ARME bible camp. I reluctantly did. It was so spiritually uplifting and by the end of the camp, praise the Lord I was able to pray again. My journey continued with major troughs, with some peaks added now and again. Challenges came, at times like a thunder storm. At times it was exhausting, trying to stay well.
With encouragement from relatives, church family and my GP I reluctantly booked oa holiday. I didn’t realise how much I needed it. While in Spain, I decided to walk alone on the beach, I decided to ignore the people around me. Focusing on the sand a white stone caught my eye, picking it up I discovered it was smooth, the Lord described the journey, the stone had taken. He told me initially the stone was rough, the waves or the storms of life, eradicated the rough edges. I was so focused on listening to the Lord, the noise from the people around me caused no distraction. As I continued to walk, with my head down, I saw the footprints in the sand, the Lords’ gentle reminder, that he carried me throughout the difficult times of my journey.
I have thought about attending MOHAP for about a year, and decided to book my place in November last year. As the time drew near I decided not to attend, because I felt as though I was slipping back, my family friends, minister and my GP, became very concerned. My sleep became disturbed. I felt as though something/someone was pushing down heavily on my shoulders.
I asked the opinion of my minister, and family friend, who advised that I should attend. A friend from church came with me and at lunch time I saw Pastor Perry, who many moons ago baptised me and conducted my wedding ceremony. I informed him I had to retire, from nursing due to my deep depression. He informed me God was going to do something for me today.
When I saw there were ministers attending the anointing service I knew really well, I decided I wanted one of them to anoint me. Then it was announced, we were not allowed to wait for our preferred minister. I was so disappointed, but prayed that the Lord would allow me to have a minister I knew. God had other plans. The minister from Leeds church anointed me prior to praying for me, he asked me to read Matthew 11 29-30, my favourite text. On the way home I felt so exhausted. I slept so well that night it was amazing. On waking up, I realised the oppressive feeling I had, had been lifted. I felt humbled that the Lord decided to heal me. Now I am assured, if I was alone on the planet, Jesus would have come to die for just me.
The devil continues to throw darts at me using anything/ anyone willing to be used to cause me to become discouraged, but I thank God for his mercies, as they are new every morning. My mother used to say there is nothing too hard for the Lord, her faith and relationship with the Lord has provided me with so much encouragement. I hope and pray that one day, very soon, I will have the privilege to meet my loving saviour and my mum on that sea of glass.
Being a Christian does not grant us immunity from mental health issues, we as a church family, need to support and encourage people who suffer from these issues, as they are difficult to talk about, we also need to lift the stigma that mental health issues come with.
Always remember there is healing in his wings.
God bless you.
Date of Posting: 07 April 2014
Posted By: Angel McFarlane
God is so good He has blessed my life beyond all measure.
Date of Posting: 25 June 2013
Posted By: Maria
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